Our guest blogger today is Julie Pierce. Julie is a graduate of Yale University with a BA in Sociology and a minor in Spanish. Currently she writes two blogs and teaches everything from piano to blogging. She is married to her best friend, Manny. Julie has two daughters and two dogs who have taught her so much more than she could ever teach.
So often, I hear people say, “Oh, teens don’t want go to church?” and shrug as if this is normal and we should all accept it. Or, “Kids just want to be entertained. Accept it.”
I don’t accept it.
I believe there are two main reasons why teens don’t want to attend church:
-Not feeling accepted.
-Not feeling engaged.
Not feeling accepted
In an admittedly unscientific poll, I asked some teens what makes them not want to attend church. Over and over I heard the same things:
“People talk down to me.”
“People act like I’m a nuisance if I do anything loud or just have fun.”
“I feel like I can’t ask questions without being labeled a trouble-maker or an nonbeliever.”
Are these comments connected? They all speak to acceptance. Group acceptance is paramount in an adolescent’s mind. If they don’t feel comfortable in one place, it’s a natural part of brain development to seek another place. Let that sink in a moment. It is natural to seek a place of acceptance. This is how we were made.
Not feeling engaged
When asked what makes them feel accepted, the answer was universal: “Being engaged.” I was excited about this answer until I realized that just as consistently, that phrase was followed by:
“But the music is boring and we have no say.”
“But the sermon is boring and no one explains it; it’s not about anything I know about.”
“But the people are boring and not interested in real problems in the world.”
These comments fly directly in the face of those who insist children just want to be entertained. To be sure, youth check-out mentally and are only there because its been made mandatory. We can force them to be physically there, but not emotionally, mentally or spiritually. Most teens prefer activity to inactivity; and to speak their minds, instead of having to stay silent.
Why is this important?
Parents and church leaders are instructed in scripture to teach children the ways of the Lord and equip them for the lives they have ahead of them. Also we need to raise up the next generation of godly parents and leaders who will carry the torch and be able to be the living expressions of Christ here on earth. How can they do that if they aren’t prepared?
How do we do this?
Where there is a disconnect between the younger generation and their churches, the problem can be solved by addressing the root causes: acceptance and engagement. I have three suggestions:
- Design church activities that serve the entire family. Have men’s and women’s groups. If Mom & Dad aren’t grounded in the Word, it is that much less likely that their children will be. Have programming that meets individuals where they are in their spiritual walk. Help children see that the Bible really is relevant to things they’re dealing with. Don’t wait for them to grow up and return to church with their own kids begrudgingly in tow.
- Teach and respond to questions. Parents and church leaders can allow teens to discuss sermons and ask questions to deepen their understanding. The church should be a place where they can safely ask questions and receive answers. It should be a resource, rather than an entity that drives them into the world, lost and confused. Help them learn to apply scripture to their own lives.
- Build community. Teens have a need for belonging to a group. Let that group be the church! Truly all people want love and acceptance. Provide opportunities for youth to receive and give love. Youth gatherings such as pizza parties are ways for youth to have fun and feel loved. Service opportunities such as serving at a soup kitchen or doing yard work for an elderly church member provide youth chances to demonstrate God’s love to others.
Have you ever seen a little child’s pride swell the first time she successfully ties her shoe? Teens experience that same sense of pride and ownership when they are accepted and engaged in their church community. That pride is not a negative, sinful pride; but the reflection that they are valued members of a community and that God has a plan for them.
Churches have an opportunity for us as Christians to fulfill people’s need for acceptance. As we meet that need and provide ways for others to give and receive the love of God, church becomes relevant. It is in this cycle of becoming and being the salt & light of the earth that we experience the living Christ. Welcome teens into that cycle and see that church is not just relevant – but that it is the most important part of their lives.
In addition to publishing numerous articles, Julie is an avid blogger for two blogs: christianmommyblogger.com and mountmom.com.
