When a Child/Teen Talks About Suicide

Suicide statistics stagger us.

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 10-24 year olds.
• Suicide has been considered by 16% of high school students and attempted by 8%.
• Suicide victims often give warning signs before attempting suicide.
• Suicide victims (40%) often make their first attempt in elementary/middle school.

If you’re a church youth leader you will probably face (at some time or other) a teen who is contemplating suicide. Obviously, we want our teens to know that the Heavenly Father cares about them and loves them. Often God’s love is reflected in the way we respond to these kids. Our concern must be sincere and consistent.

Suicide is not an easy subject to talk about and often, as ministry leaders, we don’t know exactly what we’re looking for and what to do if someone does seem suicidal. Because we aren’t professionals, we might seem lost in how to help.

Great satisfaction comes from working with and watching children and teens grow into healthy, mature young adults. For educators, counselors, mentors and youth ministers, there is great joy in seeing young people develop mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Conversely, there is great sadness connected with the thought that one of those young people may be harmed in some way. That sadness is even greater when there is a threat of an attempted suicide.

While, unfortunately, not every suicide is preventable, there are things that can be done to help reduce the risk of suicide among those families to whom you minister and serve.

1. Be available and approachable

The degree of connectedness within a particular group may vary greatly from one to another. However, in any situation, kids must feel comfortable and safe in confiding with their leaders and role models. They should feel confident that they’ll receive both guidance and instruction balanced with love and acceptance.

2. Apply a standard for sharing

Youth groups differ with regard to ages of members, size of the group, and regularity with which they meet. These differences should be considered, but, in general, participants should understand the expectations for confidentiality. Though perhaps not in a formal way, group members should be assured that what they share will be treated as personal and private. The exception, of course, is information pertaining to them harming themselves or another person, or information that they are being harmed by someone else. This knowledge is meaningful to both kids experiencing problems and those wanting to share a concern about a friend.

3. Watch for alerts and avoid assumptions

Certain factors increase the risk of suicide. Those include things such as: history of suicide within the family, mental illness, family stress or dysfunction, alcohol or drug abuse, the occurrence of traumatic events, incarceration, and easy access to weapons. Though these are things to watch for, don’t assume suicide happens only within families in crisis. There are cases of suicide within what appear to be ideal situations. We don’t always know what is happening within a family or inside the mind of a teen. Everyone internalizes things differently, and everyone has a different level of resiliency.

4. Always assess information and act accordingly

A warning may come in the form of an observation. Perhaps, the behavior, appearance or attitude of an individual has changed noticeably. They may seem concerned with death or final arrangements, or they may have considered plans, left a note, or made comments about suicide. It is the hope that such a warning comes, and if/when it does, it should be shared immediately with the young person’s parents so they can help their child get the necessary assistance. (In a church situation, you need to get others involved. For instance, you need to tell the Awana leadership. You also need to tell the pastor. Pastors often have information or experience in working with a family that the Awana leadership does not have.)

5. Become aware of area resources

If a child is considered to be at risk for suicide, it’s wise to be equipped with a list of resources to share with the family. Often churches have counseling professionals available or classes for those dealing with tough situations. Or, the church might have a list of Christian professionals in the area. In addition, most communities have some counseling professionals, social service agencies, and support groups. Contact the school counselor(s) or psychologist for information about services offered through the school. Hospitals and local health departments have information about mental health assistance. Funeral homes sometimes facilitate groups related to grief. If a loss is at the root of the suicidal thoughts, this may be helpful, too.

6. Assist the family in accessing help and follow-up

Using the information described above, help families connect with those who can help within the church or outside professionals who can restore their child’s health. Offer suggestions and serve as a liaison, if that is desired, with the professional. Participate to the extent the family wishes, and offer spiritual support along the way.

Don’t ever, ever neglect to take the threat of suicide seriously. You might be the one person with whom the teen is being open. You need to get help for the boy or girl. Don’t attempt to do this on your own.

Ask the Lord for wisdom to know how best to help the teen and his family.