Okay. So maybe “transform” is a little overstated.
But – practiced well – these phrases develop healthy ministry teams over time.
“Thanks.”
Show your appreciation. Acknowledge that other people play a huge role in the success and regular operation of your ministry. Be creative with your “thanks.” Send handwritten notes. Give gifts. Use their love language.
“Help me understand.”
I hate confrontation. My heart beats faster when I see it coming. I start to sweat. I sometimes even whisper a prayer for God to make me magically disappear. It never works. Instead, God seems to lead me toward confrontation so that I can better know His people. Leadership starts with understanding. Seek to understand first. Then seek to be heard. This shows that you’re not just trying to push through, but really seeking to know them.
“Yes / No.”
Half-hearted answers like “maybe,” “we’ll see,” or “let me think about it” only delay a choice. There are occasions when someone’s suggestion needs further thought, but (confession time) I usually know my decision long before I muster up the courage to actually give it. I simply don’t trust my instincts enough to be bold. Trust your instincts. If you’re a prayerful leader – if you’re surrounded by godly council – if you’re regularly in the word, then you’ve probably got a fairly clear sense of how God wants you to lead. Extend that clarity to your team by giving them clear answers.
“I was wrong.”
For some reason, “sorry” is very hard for leaders to say. At least it’s hard to say it and really mean it. A great temptation for many leaders (at least this is true of me) is that if I admit that I messed up, don’t know, or made a mistake, I’ll lose some credibility. We wrongly assume that credibility comes through perfection (kinda like straight A’s on a report card). The truth is that credibility comes through transparency. A genuine, heartfelt apology for a misstep is a hallmark of great leaders.
“Please.”
Asking permission is underrated. Outside of simple courtesy, asking “please” is a way of acknowledging that those who serve in your ministry do so at a cost. They’re giving up time. They’re giving up other opportunities. They’re going out of their way to serve. Before giving them a task, remember two things: 1) They’re usually happy to serve 2) Everyone wants to feel appreciated for their service.
“We.”
It may be a tired cliche, but it’s still true: There’s no “I” in team. When you talk about “my ministry,” “my church,” or what “I think,” you’re putting yourself in the spotlight. Instead, think in terms of “we.” No part of your ministry is really yours – even if you’re the one with the authority or the responsibility. You’ve merely been entrusted with it. Ministry is always shared.
“Let’s.”
People respond to invitations. Invitations create a sense of forward momentum and also say “I want you along for the ride.” Invite people to go with you in ministry. To learn with you. To take on a challenge with you.
“I trust you.”
Good leaders delegate tasks. Great leaders delegate authority. Saying “I trust you” can be of the most powerful ways to show someone that you want to give them authority to lead, not just complete tasks. Here’s the thing: Don’t just say: “I trust you.” Show others that you trust them by backing off pressure, providing them with what they need, and encouraging them.
“Imagine”
Vision is great. But great leaders craft vision with those around them. If you truly trust the people who serve with you, you can trust them with vision. Asking them to imagine what the future might look like does two things: 1) Communicates the value of their ideas, and 2) Creates a sense of shared ownership from the get-go.
“That’s a great idea.”
Affirming others’ ideas is one of the best ways to create a welcoming and enthusiastic ministry team. Warning up front: Don’t sound patronizing when you say this. A patronizing tone will kill what you’re trying to build. Instead, support your welcoming posture by affirming why you think something is a good idea and why you’re thankful that they voiced their thoughts.
