I’ve talked with quite a few people recently who feel torn.
And I’m really hurting for them.
They’re on staff at a church that they love deeply. They’ve been there for years. Maybe they’ve grown up there. For them, church is family. “Dysfunctional at times,” they admit, “but still family.”
Nevertheless, they feel torn.
They feel an inward impulse that is as hard to ignore as it is to define.
“Is it time to leave?” they quietly ask under their breath.
There seems to be a fair amount of shame that comes with leaving a church for another position.
I get that feeling.
I felt like I was leaving people.
Like was leaving something undone.
Like I was being selfish.
From what I can tell, that’s a very common feeling.
But rather than vilify it, listen to it.
Not all of what follows are necessarily reasons to leave. Any of them might be as much about your own spiritual health as your church’s health.
You may need a break.
You might also need have a tough conversation.
Some of these reasons might prompt you toward a season of self-evaluation.
If you’re feeling that undefinable nudge, here are a few ideas that might guide your thoughts:
1. IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD SUFFERING?
You’re most likely to notice this over time. Unless you stay on top of it. Do you love Jesus more now than when you started in your position? Are you praying? Are you regularly feasting on the word? Are you more in line with the fruit of the Spirit? If not, why?
It may be because you’ve let yourself go. But it may be because you’re in an unhealthy place. Is your current position – whether or not you’re on staff – helping you grow spiritually?
2. DOES HOPE HANG ON A SINGLE LEADER?
This sounds like “When our new pastor gets here…”
“When we get a youth pastor who…”
Or “If she would only….”
Hanging all your hope on a single leader might feel like honoring them, but it can also unintentionally put too much pressure on them. Leaders inspire, shepherd, and empower. But no single leader should have to bear those burdens alone.
3. IS IT POSSIBLE TO “KNOW TOO MUCH?”
Serving on staff at a church can mean that you’re privy to things that others aren’t. You’re involved in conversations and decisions that most people never hear. And that can become emotionally wearing.
But those decisions and conversations should never leave you feeling yucky. They should never feel dishonorable. They should never feel dishonest or ignoble. The more you know about Jesus, the more you love Him. The same is true for a healthy church.
4. IS YOUR VOICE NO LONGER HEARD?
You’re worth being heard. Not just because you have an opinion, but because you’ve been entrusted with a ministry.
While there is a big difference between being heard and being agreed with, if you feel like your thoughts are characteristically ignored or minimized then you’re in an unhealthy place. Or at least you’re in a place that may not give full attention to your growth and development.
5. DOES INVOLVEMENT = BUSYNESS?
Ministry is busy. But not all busyness = ministry. Sometimes I’m busy because I’m caught up in inertia without a clear purpose. That kind of inertia can be my own worst enemy. If your church is prone to equate involvement with busyness (look at your church calendar, bulletin, or announcement reel for some honest insight), it might be worth a tough re-evaluation.
6. DO YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE NO OTHER OPTION?
This feeling only comes when you’ve been in one place so long that you feel like you’re unable to be anywhere else. It usually starts with some pretty nasty self-talk: “You can’t thrive in any other ministry. You won’t succeed in any other context. You’re not capable enough to move on.” Maybe you should stay. But not because you’re not good enough for anywhere else.
7. IS “WHAT WAS” MORE IMPORTANT THAN “WHAT IS?”
It’s important to see where we’ve been. But it’s usually more important to know what’s right in front of you. God has plans for your church. Where you are. When you are. Who you are. The windshield of a car is bigger than the rear-view mirror.
8. HAS DOCTRINE DRIFTED?
Doctrine usually doesn’t immediately change. It slowly and casually drifts. A quick word of disclaimer: Doctrine isn’t the same thing as preference. We’re not talking about carpet color. We’re talking about the beliefs that are tightly tied to the clear communication of the gospel and matters of Christian maturity. Be vigilant against doctrinal drift.
9. ARE YOU RATIONALIZING DYSFUNCTION?
This is like the victim who enables the abuser because the wounds have become familiar. It sounds like: “That’s just the way things are…,” “I know it’s not perfect but at least…,” or “It’s been that way for a long time…”
Don’t take that.
Don’t cower.
Speak to disfunction.
Be honest about what bothers you.
10. IS THE GOSPEL ASSUMED?
Churches can slip into a dangerous rut where the “what” becomes more important than the “why.” Writers have referred to this tension as “the trellis and the vine.”
There is vine work: the prayerful preaching and teaching of the word of God to see people converted and grow to maturity. And there is trellis work: creating and maintaining the structures and programs that support vine work and its growth. If you spend more time caught up in the trellis than the vine (of if you have a hard time distinguishing the two), it might be time for honest re-evaluation or reflection.
11. IS YOUR FAMILY SUFFERING?
I was recently talking with a good friend about the family-ministry tension. And it’s always a tension. Her words were pretty powerful: “No one wins when you choose ministry over your family.” Spot on. Be vigilant for your family’s spiritual health. Like the metaphor of miner’s canary, unhealth will likely impact them long before it gets to you.
I hope you can hunker down.
I hope you don’t have to leave.
I hope you see your way through a few tough conversations.
If you need a break, ask for one.
If you need some support, ask for it.
I’m praying that you don’t settle.
That you find uncharacteristic courage.
But more than that, I’m praying that you grow to love Jesus and His church more every time you serve.
