I would argue that every effective children’s ministry leader must have a healthy, open, and honest relationship with their senior pastor. The most effective children’s ministry leaders I know have such a relationship, but I also know children’s pastors that struggle in their role because they have a vague or strained relationship with their pastor. Further, children’s pastors often feel disconnected from the overall mission of their church and struggle to identify their value and true purpose. If this relationship is not strengthened, the children’s pastor typically feels the only resolution is their resignation.
The following are three conversations that every children’s pastor must have with their senior pastor.
Conversation #1 – What are your expectations of our Children’s Ministry?
This conversation needs to happen concurrent with your hiring process or very early in your tenure. As a ministry leader in your church, your senior pastor must be able to clarify the reason your children’s ministry exists and your role in achieving ministry goals. Every children’s pastor needs to receive this insight from their senior leader. In this conversation you can clarify the differences between being attractional and/or incarnational. Are you expected to grow in size with the church or are your growth numbers independent of the adult attendance? You need to know how evangelistic you should be and how much emphasis you put on discipleship. Further, if your church is growing, you need to know how much ministry will be led by staff and what the philosophy is for hiring. It is in this conversation your senior pastor can describe what winning looks like for you and your ministry and how you set your goals. Clarifying ministry expectations is absolutely essential for everyone to succeed.
Conversation #2 – How can I serve you best?
This conversation never ends and should be held often. Every children’s pastor needs to ask their senior pastor how they can serve him/her. You may be surprised at what your pastor empowers you to do, and this conversation may open the doors to new and unexpected opportunities. Senior pastors carry a ton of responsibility and concern for the entire congregation you are a part of. Most senior pastors do more than most of us will ever know. Your offer to serve him/her demonstrates maturity and a commitment to the overall vision of your church. This conversation can help you clarify ministry aspects that you may want to emphasize or even let go of. Your goal in this conversation is to clearly communicate your desire to share the ministry load and not add anything to your pastor’s plate. This conversation will help you better understand how you can pray for your pastor.
Conversation # 3 – What are your goals and desires for families in our church?
This conversation is much like the first in that it should come before or very early in your hire. Being a children’s pastor means you influence children, volunteers, paid staff, and parents. The fourth dimension (parents) is often overlooked or potentially not valued at some churches. As a children’s pastor you are in a unique position to connect with parents and have an impact at home. You need to know if your senior pastor values faith formation at home and the effort it will take to achieve this. This conversation will help you clarify the resources you will need to impact families and may lead to budget and programming adjustments. Understanding what your senior pastor expects of you in regards to family impact has huge ramifications on your goals and objectives. This is a must-have conversation with your pastor.
Many children’s pastors find these conversations difficult or awkward. Let me encourage you to possess both the faith and courage to have honest, healthy, and ongoing conversations with your senior pastor. I realize that your pastor will likely never fully understand all it takes for you to be a children’s pastor, but that is part of what we sign up for when we lead a children’s ministry. Your responsibility is to be faithful and diligent and to make a significant contribution to your church in the role God has assigned you. Your senior pastor is the one person that can make all of this possible.
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