3 Ways to Become More Relationally Rooted

My church’s children’s ministry hosts a a weekly huddle before we go our separate ways to serve. The team gathers to be inspired and better equipped in working with kids and families. We also connect with each other about life as friends and members of God’s family. It’s encouraging to be together, to be reminded why we’re there, to discuss what’s working well, to troubleshoot what needs adjusting, and to pray as a team.

A few weeks ago I showed up and there was a small whiteboard with two words on it: Relationally Rooted. The serving team was seated in a circle as we discussed an important question.

What does relationally rooted look like in our children’s ministry?

The team leader invited us to share our thoughts on what “relationally rooted” means, as well as how it is evidenced by kids, families, and leaders throughout the children’s ministry. We spent about 15-20 minutes talking, wrote down our responses on the board, and ended with an important challenge. Rather than simply nod in agreement, we each committed in community to taking a personal next step to strengthen relational rootedness.

Here are three ways that any kid-influencer or children’s ministry leader can put “relationally rooted” into practice starting today:

1. Make Eye-Contact

Did you know there’s a difference between getting down at eye-level with kids and making eye-contact? It’s one thing to squat down so you’re the same height. It’s another to genuinely make a meaningful connection. Experiment with this the next time you’re with someone, whether he or she is a child or not. Look the individual in the eyes long enough to communicate that you’re happy to see them. You can do this at home in your family, at work with colleagues, or even at the grocery store checkout. Practice making a heart-to-heart connection by using your eyes. It will speak volumes to the kids, families, and leaders in your children’s ministry.

2. Use Names

Have you ever been surprised by someone using your name? I have a close friend who regularly uses my name. He know’s me well, so it stands out that he still calls me “Dan” so often. I tend to allow familiarity to hold me back from using people’s names. Instead, I cut my hello’s and thank you’s short because we obviously recognize one another. I’m learning there’s a better way.

I love the phrase the Lord speaks to His people in Isaiah 43:1b: “I have called you by name, you are mine.” Clearly God knows the people He created. Jesus obviously knew His disciples. Still, the knowing and use of names is all through Scripture. Think about how Jesus’ decision to call people by name after He rose from the grave impacted disciples like Mary and Peter. His greetings weren’t cut short; they cut to the heart.

This week, commit to using people’s names as often as possible. See how their faces light up when they feel known and respected by you. If you’ve ever called a young child by name who was wearing a name tag, you probably experienced this thrill as they asked, “Hey! How’d you know my name?” By simply using people’s name more frequently you can start becoming relationally rooted.

3. Ask Questions

Asking questions may seem easy, but for many people it’s not. It’s hard to know what to ask a three-and-a-half-foot-tall person. Yes, there are five-year-olds who open up easily. There are many others who are shy around adults and kids they don’t know well. It’s always helpful to keep a curious posture in children’s ministry. Think about several questions you can ask in case you only get “yes” and “no” responses or just blank stares. Do you have a pet? What did you eat for breakfast? What games do you like to play? Who brought you to church today? The questions don’t need to be profound, just enough to start building relationships. Rather than just asking kids questions, step out and spend time taking conversations further with parents/care-givers, siblings, and other leaders.

You’ll be amazed how much more relationally rooted your children’s ministry will become as you raise the bar by making eye-contact, using names, and asking questions. In time, these relational principles will transform the disciple-making trajectory of your kidmin.

For more ways to embed relational principles in your kidmin, we encourage you to buy a copy of Dan Lovaglia’s new book: Relational Children’s Ministry: Turning Kid-Influencers into Lifelong Disciple Makers. Get a free chapter today at Awana.org/RCM. If you’d like to hear Dan speak, check out Awana.org/Vantage. We’d love for you and/or your team to join us on-site or on-line April 22, 2016.