High Expectations – High Warmth

Recently I heard a talk by well-respected author and speaker Dr. Henry Cloud, where he made an offhand comment that struck a chord with me. He mentioned how “children are best served by environments of high expectations and high warmth.”

As he briefly unpacked this, it made me think of what we all do in ministry to young children.

We hold high expectations.

Holding high expectations doesn’t mean we hold the same level of expectation for every child. Differing expectations is something many of us do already, but here are some guiding questions as you determine what to expect from the various children in your group.

What is this child’s current level of engaging with Biblical truth and discipleship?
If a child has never heard of Jesus, they are starting from a different (though equally valid) spot than a child who has been fed a steady diet of Bible stories since infancy.

What is a reasonable amount of growth we can aim for within the time frame we are considering?
For a child with no church background, our goals for growth might have to do with increasing awareness of basic Biblical truths or verses. For a child ready for greater challenge, are we stretching them to do the longer verse instead of the shortened one?

What hindrances does this child face, and what can we do to help them overcome these obstacles?
For a child whose home life won’t allow for much assistance in verse memory, could we pair them up with an elderly member of the church or a student helper to help with verses before club?

How can we communicate this expectation to the child in a way that motivates them toward success, and gives them little “wins” along the way?
When we give awards for verses or sections, are we helping them see how these are steps toward their big goal?

We maintain high warmth.

Relational discipleship involves being highly relational and highly Scriptural. As we engage preschool children in discipleship, we acknowledge that what they will remember most, and what will keep them coming back, is how loved and celebrated they feel while they are with us.

As you determine how to maintain an atmosphere of high warmth in your preschool ministry setting, here are some guiding questions to consider.

How are we seeking to welcome children?
Do you know their names, or can you divide up with others on your team so that someone knows their names?

How are we seeking to understand children?
Do you have someone on your team who knows what children are like, what movies and characters matter to them, and what developmental issues they face? When we better understand a child’s limitations at empathy, for example, when teaching children to use kindness instead of letting them think that hitting is an acceptable way to respond to a conflict.

What are the characteristics of our community that would be evident to a child?
Sometimes we get sidetracked responding to the requests of adults, and we forget to get down on our knees and look at things from the child’s point of view. If a child is in our space, how many smiling adults do they see? How safe will they feel? What do they see about Jesus by being with you?

Goals worth pursuing

In the end, don’t we all want to be part of communities that foster high expectations and high warmth? Let’s give to our kids the experience of being part of a body of Christ that is about these things too!